Men are from mars dating
As he gets to know the various women to whom he is physically attracted, he finds that he likes some better than others, and to those “some he beings to feel emotional attraction – attraction to her personality.If things keep going well, he may reach the stage of mental attraction (attraction to her character, virtues, strength, kindness, etc) and then “soul attraction” and fall in love with her.But there’s a difference between noticing that someone is attractive and being to him.For me, a man I know nothing about but who happens to be attractive is like a beautiful painting – certainly a great work of art, but not necessarily something that I want to take home.Women are inclined to go about it in more or less the opposite way.Gray says the women’s first level of attraction tends to be mental.Physical attractiveness says nothing about the person, and – to me, at least – it doesn’t in itself lend itself to desiring any level of intimacy with him. Many women, to feel truly to a man, to actually want to be close and to do something as intimate as kissing him, generally want to feel a certain intimacy with him on the other levels as well.That’s not to say that our emotional and mental “detectors” are infallible. A woman can sometimes take weeks or months getting to know a man before she realizes her attraction to him.
What fascinated me was what followed, which was the statement (paraphrased) that if there’s no kiss after the first date, there’s no romantic attraction and hence there should be no second date.
Some women are attracted to “personalities” that are essentially dysfunctional – often in a way that mirrors their own dysfunction or woundedness. This is the beauty of a “friends first” relationship (of which a few men on the forums also didn’t appreciate the subtle benefits). Men tend to assume that a woman who isn’t instantly physically attracted to them isn’t interested.
Gray says that if a woman meets a man and immediately feels attraction on all four levels, that’s a certain sign that she’s attracted to a fantasy of the man and not the man himself. There is no right and wrong in the difference between men and women in the way we become attracted. And women tend to assume that a man who physically attracted to them must be attracted to their intellects and their souls, when in fact he’s just at that first, less discriminating level.
She does frequent radio and TV work, and has even made several appearances on MTV.
She is the author of We're On A Mission From God And Real Love, which has been translated into six languages.There’s just so much good stuff – so many interesting conversations going on. As a Catholic Match columnist, I have a slight advantage in that department.